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Grief 101

Author: Jamie Specht


"The pain of leaving those you grow to love is only the prelude to understanding yourself and others."-Shirley MacLaine

There comes a time in everyone's life where they experience a loss. Sometimes it's the loss of a person or an animal while other times its the loss of one's health, a dream, or a way of life. In all of these circumstances, one must grieve! Read on to get an introduction this process.

There are five stages of grief. When grieving, each stage will be experienced, but they may occur in a different order or for different lengths of time.

One stage is denial.
**It is normal and healthy to try to convince oneself that the event is not really happening. This allows one not to feel, oftentimes allowing the individual to be productive and deal with things that need to be done. This also allows one to develop other internal defenses for dealing with the loss.

Another stage is anger or resentment.
**In this stage, "Why me?!?" is the overall thought. Blame and anger are directed towards God, the person lost (if applicable) and others. Remember, it is OKAY to get mad!! It is a very natural part of the grieving process!

A third stage is bargaining.
**Bargains are often made with God: "Give me another year, I promise to..." or "Bring him back, I'll never..." are common. Even those without strong religious beliefs may find themselves bargaining. These bargains may be a simple internal dialogue or promises to him or herself.

The fourth stage is depression.
**It is during this stage that the one grieving has the courage to admit that the event is happening. Everything sinks in. The realities about life changes are realized. This realization and admittance brings on depression.

The last stage is acceptance.
**At this point, the event and all emotions surrounding are accepted completely.

Again, remember that it takes time to complete the grieving process. Some people take longer than others. The length of the grieving process is not a measure of ones strength, weakness, or stability.

"..in order to feel anything you need strength..."-Anna Maria Ortese

A few words of warning: Oftentimes, a person believes that it is necessary to "be the strong one" and not feel sad or any other emotions, for that matter. That only hurts more. It doesn't take away the grieving process; it just delays it.

All of this may not always be wanted or enjoyed, but remember the words of Eleanor Roosevelt:

"...we do not always like what is good for us in this world."

Jamie Specht is an author on http://www.Writing.Com/ which is a site for Writers. Stop by and read a bit!






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For the New Widow – For Crying Out Loud - Four Tips on Handling Your Grief
The funeral is over. Two weeks have passed. Or is it three? You sit at the kitchen table staring blankly into the face of a missing child on the back of an empty milk carton and sip black coffee. You need to get out of the house. Someplace, anyplace that will take your mind off Him and the memories that loop your brain. You need a quart of milk and a box of cereal. So you hop in the car, turn the ignition, back out the garage, and head for your local supermarket. It is less than three blocks away, but as you park His Camry between two white lines, your brain is a Kadachrome of images –images of Him – Him holding the car door for you, Him loading and unloading the car with groceries for you, Him pushing the carriage through the supermarket aisles for you, as you compare toilet paper prices and decide which cookies to buy. At the same time, memories of your first date fill your head; your first kiss, and last. By the time you enter the supermarket and push a carriage down the produce...
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